19 September 2004

It doesn't take long to become a curmudgeonly alum

In fact, I think I was one before I even registered as a
freshman. (Note that the Princeton alumni association grants
alum-status to anyone who matriculates at Princeton, so all I needed
was the “curmudgeonly” part.)

But I’m not the only one. The Daily Princetonian’s new “Street”
section features a sex columnist, Rachel Axelbank,
who ruffled the feathers
of a pair of recent alums with such tasteless gems as “cobwebs in her
panties,” and “porking the circling buzzard.”

Rachel’s pants-happy prose also tripped my vulgarity threshold, but
what irritated me the most was not the vulgarity, but the tendency —-
endemic to sex columnists —- to dance around the issues with
cute-yet-disgusting euphemisms. By contrast, I’m a firm believer in
straight talk. As such, if I were still a Prince columnist (and had
the necessary cojonoes*), I’d submit
this, which I’ve had sitting
around for several months, which I suspect would get me hauled
before at least one of the University’s disciplinary committees, and
which no-one would accuse of skirting the issues.

* Cute vulgarism.

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